Before we get any further into this post, let me be perfectly blunt regarding one thing- I strongly dislike the phrase “New Year’s Resolution.” It has a sappy sound, a cheesy connotation, and an altogether unattainable arete. [Look that one up. It's not easy creating alliterations.] No mortal man can make a year-long materialistic resolution and keep it. Well, at least most can’t. However, last year my friend and I began a new tradition of creating a tangible list of character traits we hoped to improve, skills we desired to perfect, dreams we wished to attain, and prayers we longed to see answered. The beauty of this list was that there was plenty of room to wiggle. This is not to say we didn’t plan on working hard to see these things through, but rather we acknowledged our finite nature and God’s sovereign plan. Certain items on that list were bound not to happen. But we could hope and pray that SOMETHING would. God knows He’s the only One who can keep all His promises; but I think it pleases Him when we make a genuine effort.

Our lists were moderately entertaining. Besides our serious hopes & dreams, we included such things as 1) become less melancholy 2) memorize the main chords in each key 3) learn to multi-task in the kitchen 4) go skydiving. I cannot say any of these have been mastered, but slight headway has been made. Besides the fact that our paper lists afforded some chuckles, the principle in motion was an important one. We were confronting issues and short-comings face-to-face in hopes of showing them who was boss. We were reaching for the sky while keeping our feet on the ground. We were seeking God’s will in areas that seemed unknown and incomplete. The most wonderful part about it all was reviewing those sheets of paper at the end of 2010 and discovering the ways God did indeed answer prayer. He has provided grace for the yet unresolved conflicts, and He has gone as far as to make some of our wildest dreams come true. My trust is growing as I scan our lists of expectations, and I smile as I see the growth that remains. I see 2011 as another whole year full of room to wiggle, and I welcome it wholeheartedly.

And perhaps I’ll add “visiting the ice rink on the Eiffel Tower” to my list of resolutions.

Wait-

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said,
“Child, you must wait.”

“Wait? You say, wait!”, my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I’m needing a “Yes”, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a “No” to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
“I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting…for what?”

He seemed, then, to kneel
And His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want
But, you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power I give to the faint;

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that, “My grace is sufficient for thee.”
Yes, your dreams for your loved one
Overnight would come true,

But, O the loss, if I lost what I’m doing in you!

So be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft’ may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, “Wait.”
-Anonymous

This verse has often been difficult for me when I am feeling downtrodden. It’s the verse I resort to when I don’t even have any “joy” in my tasks like the joy described in James’ words, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers…” So often I feel weak and weary of it all, and I just need to read again: “Do not grow weary in doing good.” I don’t even know what the second portion of the verse refers to… the harvest we will reap if we do not give up. Perhaps a heavenly reward? The pleasure of our Lord? Personal joy after the situation has blown over? For me, it doesn’t really even matter. All I know is God called me to not grow weary, and somehow I am supposed to do that. How?

How does the spirit become so discouraged so quickly, especially after a period of great joy and spiritual encouragement? How can our thoughts be so ephemeral, fickle, forgetful that we brush away all the hope we’ve witnessed for the temporary depression that comes from present circumstances? If someone has any words of encouragement, I would greatly appreciate it. Lord, let me not grow weary in doing good.

Why do we respond that way? Do we remember just how big our God really is? Let’s see; He is described as mighty, powerful, awesome, just, omnipresent, all-knowing, etc., etc., etc. He created every one of us. He knows every nuance and detail of our life. He is in the midst of orchestrating our very lives and nothing occurs outside of His will. Here are various exerpts from a passage I just looked up in Psalm 145: ”…his greatness no one can fathom …they will tell of the power of your awesome works …the Lord is faithful to all his promises …the Lord is righteous in all his ways …the Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth …he fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.” God has promised to be faithful and calls us to trust Him. He also calls that we obey. How can we obey if we don’t trust him first? Sometimes we are actually required to obey and walk forward even when we don’t necessarily understand His ways, but that doesn’t mean we should ever distrust them.  Even as I write these words, I can’t believe how many times in the past I’ve completely lost my faith and trust and began shaking away because of my own doubts and fears. This makes so little sense if I remember just how faithful He’s proven himself in EVERY other instance. But my memory is so short.

God calls us to obey Him. So, if we intend to obey Him, we’ll have to trust Him. If we are able to trust Him completely without wavering and succumbing to weak and ridiculous fears (since that’s what schemes of the devil really are as they stand contrasted to God’s power), we will want to obey Him in everything else. It’s as simple as that. Good thing God is a God of patience and is never unwilling to pick us up, brush us off, and push us back in the right direction when we fall! 

“A sure way to lose your trust in God is to assume that He always acts in a certain way in every case.” -Kirk Cameron

Classes have overtaken my life at the moment, but I don’t mind it since it’s what I signed up for. I don’t mind the emotional meltdowns because I know I will live through them, and God will show Himself faithful once again. Right now I feel almost numbed towards my whole fear issue; I seem to fear so often that I want to completely ignore it and dwell on other things. Pray for me though, if you think of it, because I’ve been experiencing severe tension headaches for the past couple months, and they seem to get more intense each week. Pray that I would release anxieties and give everything over to my Lord so I can experience His peace instead.

If you are reading this, I want to thank you for your friendship. I’ve realized that I’m a person who really appreciates friends and the close relationships within. You guys are all so special and my hope has always been that, before I die, my friends know how much I appreciate them. So, I’m seizing the opportunity to tell you all now. You are loved (I can say that sincerely because I know there are only a few faithful ones who view this blog, and I can honestly say I love them).  :)

Relating to the photograph on my blog banner, I have such a desire to return to Europe- London or France specifically. I have an urge to be used over there- to minister to the people in some way- though it is such a huge area, seemingly without hope. But I know God can do mighty things, and someday I hope to be used in some way across the pond! He’s put that desire in my heart, and I don’t want to supress it. I love the song, Yours, by Steven Curtis Chapman, which describes how the entire world is God’s. I think I’ll post those lyrics…

 I walk the streets of London
And notice in the faces passing by
Somthing that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry
Where is the hope for London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I’m reminded
That every street in London in Yours

And I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They’re waiting for a cure no one can find
And I hear children’s voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I’m reminded
That every child in Africa is Yours

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You’re the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It’s all Yours

And I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
Like Singapore, Manila and Shanghai
I rush by the beggar’s hand and the wealthy man
And everywhere I look I realize
That just like the streets of London
For every man and woman, boy and girl
All of creation
This is our Father’s world

The glory is Yours, God
All the honor is Yours, God
The power is Yours, God
The glory is Yours, God 

You’re the King of Kings
And Lord of Lords

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours

It’s all Yours, God
My life is Yours, my heart is Yours
My hands and my feet are Yours
Every song that I sing
It’s all Yours, all is Yours
All belongs to You
Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours

Well, it’s been pleasure writing for you tonight. I may be reinspired, so you’ll have to check back often and see what new posts appear! Have a good night, everyone, and I’ll hopefully talk and see you in person soon. God bless!

Bailey

Nothing much is transpiring in the Gillespie household tonight. We’re preparing to eat a dinner of falafels, then we’ll watch our weekly Truth Project session and discuss the highly interesting principals brought up. After that we’ll no doubt head off to bed and listen to the rain on the roof. Wow. I apologize for not staying true to my blog’s initial purpose, which was discussing the theme “Inspiration.” My last several posts (okay, ALL of them) have been highly uninspirational and… might I add… uninteresting. I’m sorry. I think I’m going to, once again, pass the torch and say goodbye to blogging until I find something worth writing about. I should stick to my family newsletter and short stories. But, I do appreciate the few of you out there who have read my ramblings.

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend and a grand October. Don’t forget to bake all sorts of delightful, autumnal treats (like pumpkin waffles, chocolate caramel bars and pies). Mmm.

Right now I have a nasty headache that’s been clinging to me all day. Pray for me, Mrs Rohrer! I know you’re out there! I thought that playing would help relieve it because usually once you get the blood and oxygen flowing the pain goes away. That was not the case tonight. I think basketball aggrivated it more. Time for some Ibuprofen…

Today I practiced worship songs with my friend Vic because we’re playing a set for Georgetown’s annual Founder’s Day. It’s going to be awesome because our church has a booth that will include face painting, hot dogs, Bibles, possible games and music. Evan and I are playing How Deep the Father’s Love For Us, on violin and piano respectively, then Vic and I are doing several worship songs with piano, guitar and vocals (hopefully most of the vocals will be his and not mine!). Another guy from our church might be doing a short “gig” as well; he has a country, gospel style and is pretty fun to watch sing and play guitar. I hope our booth will have an impact on Founder’s Day. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

Well, that pretty much sums it up, Mrs Rohrer. Thanks for reading. Evan and I are going to watch a Dick Van Dyke episode before heading to bed. Oh yeah! I forgot that today we took my grandpa and his wife bowling. It was hilarious. I’ve bowled once before and most of us hadn’t been on an alley for 20+ years. I’ve decided that I want to have my 21st birthday party there. Hmm… I’ll need to practice up because my score stunk. 55 points.

One more item I should bring up is this: if you want some slightly more interesting content, you should visit my GodTube blog. I have a few videos uploaded, which you should find interesting since your family is highlighted in one of them. Check it out at godtube.com/Bai

There is something so special and fun about spotting people you know on the road. It really makes me feel like I live in a tiny community when I swerve around a corner and see a hand waving at me. Of course, it helps if a familiar face accompanies the hand… I have both waved and been waved at by people whom I thought I knew but who turned out to be perfect strangers. This is utterly embarassing… ;)

Actually, it’s fun to wave to anybody and everybody just to see who has the good nature to wave back. My dad is great at this, although more often than not he thinks a particular driver is an acquaintance of his, but they turn out to be just an ordinary person taking an ordinary ride down the highway. I do have a wonderful memory of speeding down an L.A. freeway with Ansley Farr, in their red convertible Mustang, playing “Sweet or Sour” and laughing over the expressions we got from folks who either did or did not wave back at us. It’s a fascinating game that everyone should play now and then!

Well, yesterday my dad and I ran errands together. We were in the greater Auburn area (including Meadow Vista) and happened to see three people we knew. One of them was our pastor’s wife. One of them was an old friend from my childhood choir and drama group. One of them was Mrs Rohrer. 

As we approached the big white Rohrer van on the Auburn Canyon, I wondered who it was (we actually happen to know many people with 15 passenger white vans, so it’s a little hard to distinguish who’s who when you’re on the road). As the van passed I spotted the familiar face of Mrs Rohrer, and a couple other little Rohrer heads as well, but she hadn’t noticed us. Oh well. At least I didn’t wave. ;)

To sum up this thought, I guess living in a small community can be great fun if you enjoy passing by familiar faces. It can also be awkward (to use my dear Amber’s favorite expression) because if someone you know sees you, they can ask you later “So, where were you today?” Sometimes you would rather not tell them what errand brought you out of the house. But overall, I enjoy the amusement of passing friends’ vehicles on the road. It brings a smile to my face. And I’ll try to remember to wave next time I see one of you, but you have to remember that my reflexes aren’t as fast as they once were!

Our trip to Europe has been fantastic overall, but I am truly ready to come home. Two weeks is a long time to be away when you’re used to the familiar, although I know many people do it for much longer. The homesickness finally hit about three days ago when we traveled into the countryside of Windermere. It was a beautiful area, but quieter, so that lent itself to more time for personal reflection. Everything was go, go, go while in London and in Paris, and the busy pace didn’t allow much time for homesickness.

Once we got to the countryside all that surrounded us were sheep. Lots and lots of sheep! ;) Those hills were truly the greenest I’ve ever seen and the Lake District in general was wonderfully calm and relaxing. We were so far north (17 miles short of Scotland, in fact) that suddenly, on the train ride up there, I noticed that all the accents had changed to this wonderful, musical brogue. It was fascinating to listen to everyone speak. I kept getting distracted by the accent, so I hardly listened to what the people were actually saying, only how they said it. Someday I would like to continue up north and tour Scotland.

I thoroughly enjoyed the time in London!! It is an extremely eclectic city in taste, culture, etc. and is truly a feast for the eyes. There are people there from the highest of fashion to the lowest of bums, so Amber and I fit right in. We are hoping to take back some of the idioms, phrases and adjectives that are so common to those in the UK; it will be interesting to see how our daily speech is changed through it all.

I suppose it’s time for me to get off this laptop and continue visiting with Amber’s relatives, Jim and Susan Fisher. They are taking us out for a supper of fish and chips, and, since it’s 16:23 (4:30pm), that will probably happen in the next hour and a half. I look forward to seeing all of you soon. Back tomorrow!

Cheers,

Bailey

Hello my friends!

Amber and I leave for London on August 8th, and I hope to post occasional updates and photographs to keep you in the loop. I’ve heard there are internet cafes situated here and there, plus I believe our youth hostels all have wi-fi access, so we’ll see if it’s a feasible idea. I’m sure I’ll hop on here at least once.

We will be away for two weeks exactly. London is seven hours ahead and Paris eight, so if you glance at the clock, calculate what time it is over there and shoot us over a prayer! I will miss all of you desperately (since I’ve never been overseas and never been away longer than a week), and two weeks will probably seem like forever (unless we’re enjoying ourselves too much in a whirlwind of foreign amusement). I love you all and will see you when we return August 21st.

Au revoir,

Bailey